(the art) of dealing with close enemies.

sometimes you gotta sit down and become honest with yourself.

i stopped drinking to see what happens.

i am full of energy these days.

i sleep better. 

i think better. 

i am faster. 

there was a time when i thought i was able to get rid of my fears.

but i can not.

i know my fears – that is enough.

i can get rid of my negative thoughts.

i can prepare myself and work on my mindset to make sure – i believe in myself.

that is important.

if i can´t believe in me – who else will? right? (no one. look at these people, most of them wanna put you down – most of them feel bad about themselves – about their past and don´t even have future plans, at least most people in germany – look at their faces – just sit down and have a ride in U8 and look how depressed most people are staring on the floor. pessimistic minds. unfortunately. and as i said – most of them not everyone. )

i do believe in myself.

more than ever. 

send me whoever. 

i know my values and i am so ready to fight my enemies. 

laugh and i laugh harder. 

and remember you can say what you want about me you don´t know me. 

i know myself.

no worries.

so again.

you don´t know me.

all you know is – yourself. 

you might talk about yourself – while you calling me a piece of shit – miserable as you might think you talk and you feel about yourself.

if you got good things to say – you might love yourself and be brave enough to accept me.

get out my life if you have nothing good to say. 

i can focus on „doing“ instead of „just hoping“. 

i decided to do more and care less about others opinions.

i do and say what i want.

i believe in greatness.

i can create and speak out whenever i decide.

i am young, healthy thinking and i am a smart woman.

hope is cute.

but i wanna make sure – i do enough.

i will make my vision come true. 

i don´t believe in luck. (heard this sentence by oprah years ago and gotta say – she inspired the shit out of me – i love you so much)

i believe in training and in process and i believe in disciplined study and i believe in preparation. 

i think we are all able to set our own personal goals and motivate ourselves to work towards something, we really want to do in this life.

for me there is a lot i wanna do.

and i got no time to waste.

i do this for us.

i do it for humanity. 

i do it to prove it to myself. 

i am a creative genius (that´s what i say and know).

think whatever, say whatever.

i know. 

it´s time to get serious and more specific about business.

so:

i want to know more about the art of making money.

i want to have fun while making money. 

i want to enjoy making money. 

so i can continue all my projects as I planned so far.

this life is short.

so i asked myself?

„how can i earn money – how can i bring more value to the market – and still be myself 100% – a fair money maker – you feel me ?“ 

i won´t change for anybody – but for myself – if i decide.

i don´t wanna act like – i am so important.

i am not important. 

of course i got an impact on people.

on my family. on my friends. even on strangers.

even on older persons. on business people.

on creative people and that´s beautiful.

somehow people enjoy listening and looking and talking, working with me. 

but …

i still don´t think i am important.

i think i am a great inspiration. i have a good energy. 

i think i am a great thinker and a wise speaker and quite good creator. 

so something personal about my latest trauma:

my aunt attacked me last summer – she told me – that i should learn how to calculate. 

the reason why she attacked me physically – was the reason of : money.

i think she learned her lesson.

she might was scared about my future plans.

i understand that i am the first artist in the family. but …

i want her to bag for forgiveness. 

i won´t allow negativity to destroy my dream.

i don´t care if she is older than me. i don´t care if she has money.

you can not stop me from becoming who i am and meant to be.

god is with me. 

whenever she came to tell me „you need to learn how to calculate“

my answer was : i know already how to calculate. what do you really want?

something pissed her really of.

maybe the fact – that i feel comfortable in my own skin. even when i am broke, maybe the fact – that i am not impressed by her money, or the calm – direct way i am talking, i don´t know. she was talking aggressive towards me and she wanted to hit me in a restaurant. (i just left but met her in the apartment and shit… it was not cool) 

she said „if you are kind – i am gonna give you my money. you could be my adopted heir.“

and i answered: „i am kind to you – if you are kind to me – you can not buy my respect. you can not buy me. but the way you talk and act is mean. i am not a prostitute. you are mean. so why should i be friendly? you are not able to by my sympathy? the answer is no. “ 

and yes i am writing about this negative experience – because that is my power.

it feels good.

i should keep this story in mind – cause it changed a lot for me.

she said„you gotta learn how to calculate if you wanna start your own business“ (she was shocked i didn’t want her money) 

and „i started my business already.“

so …

let´s just show her how to „make money“ that´s my next goal. 

i don´t want anybody to fuck with my feelings and talk disrespectful towards me and offer me dirty money.

i want to explore the art of making money. fast money. so i can invest in projects that serve me and humanity.

i think – if i had more money – dressed up as trump – in suits – my aunt would be like „respect“

(it is a bit ironic – cause i told her she acts like trump – i guess she respect him more and maybe cares less about a young underground artist like me. she doesn’t believe in me. she does not believe in herself neither. so i feel actually poor for her. she does not have kids. i am glad she does not. cause she is a bit difficult.) 

remember this:

i will become a business woman if necessary, a teacher, a student, an artist, a speaker, a game changer, a feminist, a poet, philosopher, a leader, a good – looking person, a joyful – money making – funny – lady, a writer, a disco queen and a traveler and a woman who enjoys life and explores her biggest desires and a woman who loves to talk about things straight / honestly and a woman who is strong enough to fight her worse enemies. 

(evil shit)

so what?

my answer today is :

okay, i got it…

and i´ve already started. 

 

let´s go get it (hehe)