he said „you are great and i think you don´t even know“ 

(and that is so true)

i am not able to see myself.

maybe we all are not able to see ourselves the way others see us.

but we are able to feel ourselves.

i am able to feel but i can not see myself.

i know myself. 

and this is different.

sometimes i look into the mirror and think „lucky you“ 

and sometimes i look into the mirror and think„you treat yourself really bad look at u right now. apologize right now.how are you talking and treating yourself? “ 

it takes time – to accept – your own greatness.

but love feels great.

i am not in need of love because: i love.

i love others.

and by loving others i am able to feel the love inside of me.

if you love – you feel it and you are able to share it.

i believe every person is great.

we all are.

some forgot about themselves.

we all forget how beautiful and naturally sexy we are.

we are all sexy in a natural way.

any soul can be great.

and i think „sexy“ is someone who „feels comfortable about him / herself“.

i was running the race as hard as i could because i believe that i need to fight and work hard and use my time to accomplish what i want in this life. 

right now i am solo so i got a lot of time with and for myself.

i just want to make sure i deserve my own success.

life is short.

do i really know how and when it ends?

no.

and i got nothing left to loose. only to win.

by failing we learn. 

should i keep the words „i love you“ to myself? 

no. why? 

should i blame people does it feel good? 

it feels ugly. it does not make sense to me anymore. 

i am responsible for my decision. 

i decide for myself every minute, every hour, every day.

i wanna share beauty. 

and maybe what i want is not what you want.

i meet people who tell me „you are loved. you don´t have to work so hard. just be yourself.“ 

(this is myself. and myself is always changing cause i am human and i grow older and i learn and change and i develop)

that is all me. that is life. 

good as bad.

nothing is constant.

only love.

and i feel good about this fact. 

i am solo and …

i don´t have kids.

i am happy to explore my passion. (now)

and i don’t feel sorry anymore.

one day – i will become a great loving mother. (and i want that for sure)

i swear. 

i hope so.

one day – i am going to marry. (i love this idea)

a beautiful loving and sensitive man who is treating me with respect.

someone who is not afraid to love me.

cause i am not afraid to love.

someone who is able to listen and able to share his gifts with me.

someone who is understanding and someone who is accepting my greatness.

as i accept his.

it took me time to understand – that even me – how ever i seem – i want the same as most people want.

a marriage. 

kids. 

healthy relationships.

i want to live in a house. 

i want to built a house. 

i have a vision. but there is enough space for all of us.

i am sharing.

love means sharing. 

love does not always feel comfortable.

love does not feel easy but empowering. 

great love means : challenge

love also means : giving. sharing. learning. changing. growing. understanding. forgiving. 

i love first. so i am able to love u.

i know myself so i am able to see you.

i fight for better now. 

i fight for change. 

i accept that i love change. it´s natural. 

i am not afraid of being judged anymore.

i am happy because i allow myself to be myself.

if i am mad i am mad.

if i am happy i am happy.

if i am hurt i am hurt. 

i allow myself to feel and be myself. 

i am not even afraid to feel. 

i accept it. 

i don´t want to fight it anymore. 

it´s painful to fight against myself. 

there is tragedy  and  beautiful times and this is a beautiful life time.

i am happy.

i am filled with joy right now.

i wish you are going to choose love, self acceptance and i hope one day you are able to apologize to yourself. 

i try, too. everyday.

it´s a process.

and it´s okay.

take your time.

no pressure.

don´t worry.

we don´t fear others.

we fear ourselves.

we are afraid of our own thoughts, judgments and feelings.

stop judging.

pride hurts.

it´s easy to ignore.

it´s easy to say nothing.

but what is hard then? 

opening up.

that needs practice.

start now.

tell people if you love them.

share your love by feeling it .

anything else  – is just an extra on top. 

so, my house is built. 

my house is filled with love.