he said „you are great and i think you don´t even know“
(and that is so true)
i am not able to see myself.
maybe we all are not able to see ourselves the way others see us.
but we are able to feel ourselves.
i am able to feel but i can not see myself.
i know myself.
and this is different.
sometimes i look into the mirror and think „lucky you“
and sometimes i look into the mirror and think„you treat yourself really bad look at u right now. apologize right now.how are you talking and treating yourself? “
it takes time – to accept – your own greatness.
but love feels great.
i am not in need of love because: i love.
i love others.
and by loving others i am able to feel the love inside of me.
if you love – you feel it and you are able to share it.
i believe every person is great.
we all are.
some forgot about themselves.
we all forget how beautiful and naturally sexy we are.
we are all sexy in a natural way.
any soul can be great.
and i think „sexy“ is someone who „feels comfortable about him / herself“.
i was running the race as hard as i could because i believe that i need to fight and work hard and use my time to accomplish what i want in this life.
right now i am solo so i got a lot of time with and for myself.
i just want to make sure i deserve my own success.
life is short.
do i really know how and when it ends?
no.
and i got nothing left to loose. only to win.
by failing we learn.
should i keep the words „i love you“ to myself?
no. why?
should i blame people does it feel good?
it feels ugly. it does not make sense to me anymore.
i am responsible for my decision.
i decide for myself every minute, every hour, every day.
i wanna share beauty.
and maybe what i want is not what you want.
i meet people who tell me „you are loved. you don´t have to work so hard. just be yourself.“
(this is myself. and myself is always changing cause i am human and i grow older and i learn and change and i develop)
that is all me. that is life.
good as bad.
nothing is constant.
only love.
and i feel good about this fact.
i am solo and …
i don´t have kids.
i am happy to explore my passion. (now)
and i don’t feel sorry anymore.
one day – i will become a great loving mother. (and i want that for sure)
i swear.
i hope so.
one day – i am going to marry. (i love this idea)
a beautiful loving and sensitive man who is treating me with respect.
someone who is not afraid to love me.
cause i am not afraid to love.
someone who is able to listen and able to share his gifts with me.
someone who is understanding and someone who is accepting my greatness.
as i accept his.
it took me time to understand – that even me – how ever i seem – i want the same as most people want.
a marriage.
kids.
healthy relationships.
i want to live in a house.
i want to built a house.
i have a vision. but there is enough space for all of us.
i am sharing.
love means sharing.
love does not always feel comfortable.
love does not feel easy but empowering.
great love means : challenge
love also means : giving. sharing. learning. changing. growing. understanding. forgiving.
i love first. so i am able to love u.
i know myself so i am able to see you.
i fight for better now.
i fight for change.
i accept that i love change. it´s natural.
i am not afraid of being judged anymore.
i am happy because i allow myself to be myself.
if i am mad i am mad.
if i am happy i am happy.
if i am hurt i am hurt.
i allow myself to feel and be myself.
i am not even afraid to feel.
i accept it.
i don´t want to fight it anymore.
it´s painful to fight against myself.
there is tragedy and beautiful times and this is a beautiful life time.
i am happy.
i am filled with joy right now.
i wish you are going to choose love, self acceptance and i hope one day you are able to apologize to yourself.
i try, too. everyday.
it´s a process.
and it´s okay.
take your time.
no pressure.
don´t worry.
we don´t fear others.
we fear ourselves.
we are afraid of our own thoughts, judgments and feelings.
stop judging.
pride hurts.
it´s easy to ignore.
it´s easy to say nothing.
but what is hard then?
opening up.
that needs practice.
start now.
tell people if you love them.
share your love by feeling it .
anything else – is just an extra on top.
so, my house is built.
my house is filled with love.
