self-healing journey for life.

„i understand that I was to good to people who don´t deserve my kindness. but I also think my big strength is my love. my weapon is my heart. I don´t forget those who did me wrong I am just willing to forgive so I can free myself of the weight. and forgiving takes time. I can´t stand liars. I don´t think we have to be honest with strangers. no one should know about my business. my business is my business. I am sharing ideas and my wisdom and my philosophy. this is huge. there are a few people in my life I consider as friends. the rest can go suck a dick. I love my sister. but she is still talking disrespectful. I won´t listen to her anymore till she finds her strength back to herself. I am not your problem. it´s not me. I love you but you gotta become responsible about the words you are sending out to me. I would never talk to you like this. never. watch your words and we can start all over. not with me. we are grown now. i am tired of explaining. I want to keep my energy and share my energy with closer people who respect me for what I am and say. you are wasting my time, if you believe I want to fight with you. I don´t. I want the best for you. and I won´t keep my mouth shut so you can pretend to be my older sister and act super confident. I am far. my mind is far. stop wasting your energy on me.

I told you so many times when I was in deep trouble.

and she would be like „but why did this happen?“

I tell you why : „I am breaking circles and traditions. that´s why. and I got to stay stronger than ever. because you have no idea what it means to live alone and find the deepest, inner strength to fight for a better future. I remember my time, living alone in Munich. I was totally happy with my job but my depression was heavy. Don´t talk to me crazy and stop wasting your energy on me explaining me what I am and what not. I know who I am. Return to yourself, fix your own mirror. Do yourself a favor and grow the fuck up. I can´t pretend to respect you, if you talk mean and disrespectful. I am tired of blame games. I am not your enemy. I am your sister. And I hope one day you apologize. Because I keep your behavior in my mind. We had a past, yes. But I deserve love and support and respect and loyalty. You don´t know me because you don´t even know yourself as good as I know you. This is huge. I wished you would listen once. And let your pride behind. You pride is big. Your fear is bigger than your love. And that hurts. Take your time. I am ready if you are. Open up and talk to me like I was your best friend. Not your worse enemy. Fuck that. You are family. I don´t care if you are reading this or not. I hope people understand how important „personal boundaries are“. I am „sensitive.“ I don´t waste my time with repeating myself to disrespectful people ever again.

Autor: Dimitra

Expressionist, Visual Artist, Creative Writer based in Athens, Greece.

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