„I wanna go see and find a good energy healer in berlin. (my mom gave me that advice and I said I wanna do it in berlin cause I love berlin. she wanted me to stay in this village. I just felt visiting them to get a rest (my burn out was heavy but I feel good again. all I wanted was emotional safety. Judged everywhere I go. But I keep my word. I keep standing. George understands me. He is so funny. And yesterday we started our „deep honest dialogue.“ we are going to record it and show it on my upcoming exhibition…keep it in mind : 11th-14th April at Gartenstr. 114 (we are def going to share the invitation soon) 

he is really supportive. thank you George. 

we wanna show the world what´s real. and talk about it.

we still say: do it for the history. and we will. thank you for your support so far. digital era is still inspiring.“ (so… thank you world wide straight and from the bottom of my black heart.) 

when I kept repeating myself at home (Esslingen am Neckar)  I had to protect my energy again and keep reminding my parents that I was born to do so. (Willing to repeat myself till everyone get´s it…) 

„annoying huh?“

And of course my mom tried to keep me and offered me new „options“ but No. You know Lena, what I said: „I don’t love you anymore. I said it. I did. I said: I don´t love you anymore and I hope this sentence is clear enough so you can let me go. From soul to soul. Let me live and be the woman I am.“ (We are fine now. We keep a healthy distance cause they won´t ever understand who I am and what I have been through to become this strong.. and I am fine with that still. I just kicked the chair and through it against the wall.“ (of course she was shocked. but I don’t care.) 

i made an appointment to meet a therapist and we are definitely going to talk about my mental state. I am ready for that. I am really curious now to know if he is able to tell me the truth. I am open for that. I want that. More than ever.

„i pray for the world as often I want and I don´t regret anything I did or say. never. as I said. I tell people straight if necessary and I would remind them of their beauty everyday all over again and I tell you something: drug addicts are everywhere. there are people shooting people for no reason… can I be honest? No one has the answer right now. I don’t think so. I think this „digital chaos“ is necessary again…“

I met an old man back then in New York , a drug addict on the street and gave him a lighter. he was respectful and kind and thankful for starting a little dialogue. I don’t judge people. I don´t. I was able to work well with people as long as they did not take my sentences personal. I choose acceptance and trust and love and mental support and respect.“

„I am struggling with my own time management and I am willing to say it again. my own mother : never tried drugs. my father is a great father and was a difficult husband. I don´t take it personal. I don´t. It´s their thing. “

let me tell you straight how I talked to her when I was pissed:

„willst du aus mir ´ne Mösenleckerin machen oder was? ihr wollt immer noch auf Eltern spielen man.“

another example: 

„Danke Ma.“


„Danke Ma.“


„Was sagt man Ma?“


„If you ask me? She thinks to much and feels to little.“

„and now forgive me mum (she is going to be pissed now) but it is how it is. I know you try your best. but I am willing to keep the distance and continue being the artist that I am. my aunt is not talking to me and not responding but I want her to know now officially :

„wenn ich dir vergeben hab und dich umarme, heißt es nicht, dass ich mich dir unterwerfe. es war das Angebot für „neuen Frieden“. (Solange du dich bei mir nicht entschuldigst, werde ich dich nie mehr wieder ansehen. Es ist Okay. Du entscheidest hier mit. Du entscheidest ob du die Kreise mit mir brechen willst, für deine Vorfahren oder nicht. Wenn du es nicht tust, muss es wohl ein Nachfolger tun. Sehr egozentrisch meine Liebe. Aber auch ich lebe, damit egozentrischer zu werden. Denn egozentrisch heißt wohl : Erst komm ich und dann die Anderen. Und das ist so ziemlich gesund wie ich begriffen habe.“

„Egozentrisch will ich sein. Erst Ich und dann kommen die Anderen. Sehr ernst gemeint.“

„Do it for the culture.“ 

„Do it for the culture.“ 

11:41 Uhr Donnerstag 28.März  2019

Autor: Dimitra

Expressionist, Visual Artist, Creative Writer based in Athens, Greece.

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